We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
