My cat gives me a boner
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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