My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
