I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
