ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize