Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
