there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
