btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
