DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize