Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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