The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
