Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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