i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
