Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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