I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
