i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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