It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We left the knife in your bed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
