It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bring me that man meat
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