So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
