yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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