I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize