so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize