I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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