We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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