I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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