Are we in a gay sports bar?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize