allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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