So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
