Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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