I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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