I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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