So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
