drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
