can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
