My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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