We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
