its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize