I think I am morally bankrupt
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
