its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
