I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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