I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
