He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
