No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
