can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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