I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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