My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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