beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
