ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize