I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
