I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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