my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
