I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
