"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
