suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
