New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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