At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize