dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize