I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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