I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
