I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
