So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize