1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
there was a trapeze. enough said
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
