Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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