Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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