saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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