I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize