There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
