A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
