I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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