Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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