he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
