Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
