Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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